I have a new goal I'm trying to head for.
The past several years it has been a constant battle.
I have fought against a wall that seemed impossible to break through . . . a wall I thought I had to surrender to.
A few years ago I was diagnosed with depression and was immediately put on medications. Quite rapidly I began to gain weight from the medications. Nothing changed with my eating habits. I was just doomed to face this battle against my weight. There was no escaping it.
I tried different diets and exercised as much as I thought I could get by with. But I never had much success.
Eventually, I just gave up. I didn't want to fight anymore.
Over the course of about 2 years I gained 65 pounds, which only drove me into depression more. I would constantly cry over how ugly I thought I looked. How I thought I was worthless and no one would ever love me like this. (I would remember how that when I was thinner guys paid more attention to me . . . I felt that no man would ever take the chance to get to know me now. Maybe it was a good thing . . . I shouldn't want that kind of attention. I don't want anyone to like me for what I look like. But that's a whole other story.)
I have decided that I am done with that. I'm done with the pity party. I'm tired of seeing myself as ugly just because I gained weight. A bigger me doesn't mean an uglier me. However, I do want to do all I can to get back down to a healthy weight.
Every day I run a couple miles and I am doing my best to eat better. No more carbs or sweets. Mostly just protein . . . and drinking lots of water! I feel like I may be fighting still . . . the reason I gained weight is still there, but I'm hoping and praying that with continuing the fight I can be successful in being healthy.
