A True Blessing From Above

Last Friday my best friend asked my daddy for permission to court me. After a long conversation discussing convictions and such my daddy said "yes"! I could never ask for a better boyfriend. God has truly blessed me by sending such a wonderful man into my life.

Let me back up just a little. Wednesday, the 17th of June, Phillip told me he had something important to tell me. So we made time to be able to talk after the evening service at church. To help out with his nerves, right before he could say anything a little boy came up to us and said "She's your girlfriend, huh?" We just dismissed it by saying we were only friends. Poor Phillip, now his train of thought was messed up and he was a bit more nervous. Well, he told me how he felt about me in hope that I felt the same way. So, I showed him a poem I wrote for him to express to him how I felt and assured him that I felt the same way about him. This is the poem I wrote:

I feel my heart race
Every time I see your sweet face.
When I close my eyes
You're right there before me-
Smiling...
Letting me know how much you care.
My heart is full with you in my life-
I forget all my pain and strife.
You are a blessing to my heart...
Forever, I wish never to part.

We decided then that he should talk to my daddy as soon as possible. He said he would the following Sunday but my parents suggested that he do it that Friday, the 19th. He comes to my family's house every Friday and we thought it might be a little weird my parents knowing how we felt about each other and not saying anything about it when he came over. He agreed. So he came over a little after 9:00 pm. and we got right to talking with my parents. So needless to say, we are now in a courtship trying to find out if we are compatible to be married.

The Journey through life

The journey through life is unmistakably difficult. We constantly come across stumbling blocks; things that cause us to take a step back from reality into the world of your own thoughts to consider what lies ahead of us. You have 1 of 2 choices to make...1: Struggle through it and slowly make your way through the thick fog that consumes your path...trust God to carry you through to the end so that you may become a stronger person in the Lord...2: Give up and refuse to live your life- dragging your feet the whole way. I have tried over and over to live by number 2...it gets you nowhere. For years I have struggled with trying to do things on my own and just simply giving up on my life. I run from my trials and instead of trusting God through them I become bitter. Only to add to my constant rebellion towards God I struggle with anxiety disorder. This only makes living life harder and causes me to feel like I am stuck in this non-stop cycle. When obstacles arise I close off from the world and fight instead of moving forward through the trial. I have come to realize that living this way only causes grief and despair...life just feels hopeless. In times like these it is so hard to pray. I have had enough of living life like this! I have decided that life is much more successful and easier if you stay right in God's will. We all must realize that the trials that we go through are merely stepping stones to becoming a better person. God does not allow things to happen to cause us to fall away but rather draw us in.

My battle

I feel so lost in this world.
So many questions around my head whirl.
Why so often do I stumble and fall?
Unto my Savior I know I must call.
Oh, there’s something holding me back.
What is it that I lack?
On the outside a smile,
All my being in denial,
And my pride takes me farther,
Farther from my Lord.
All through the midnight hours,
Battles have I within me
As my shame doth consume me.
In the stillness, in the darkness of the night,
Emptiness overwhelms me.
Oh, how my heart aches,
Aches to be with thee.
But my pride takes me farther,
Farther from my Lord.
As my guilt eats away at my most inner core-
There I sit alone exhausted and sore.
Day by day,
With each step that I take,
I dig myself deeper-
Making every wrong turn.
O, Lord, when will I learn!
I cannot live apart from you;
For Lord, you are the air I breathe.
You have made me who I am.
I am but a lamb,
Show me your way.