Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Moments of Strength

Strength that comes from God, and God alone.

This past week has been really hard emotionally. Just recently, my Tata (grandpa) took a turn for the worst. We have been to see him many times lately so we can see him as much as possible before he has to leave us. I always thought he was invincible -- I thought he'd live forever. Through the years he has had a lot of health problems -- mostly his heart, but he always makes it through . . . he is so strong. But this time -- it seems there is no getting better . . . just little moments of strength.

These days he just lays in bed sleeping, hardly stirring when approached with food or medicine. The air in the room is heavy, and it seems tears are so close to falling nearly all the time, while we sit there waiting for those moments that he opens his eyes and gives a slight gentle smile -- a smile that tells us he is happy to see us there . . . a smile that says "I love you" . . . then his eyes close again. As I sit there, I can't help but constantly watch his chest just to make sure he is still breathing. For the first time in my life I actually like hearing the snores of a sleeping person because to me it means life. My dad sits on one side of Tata while he reads the Bible to him in Spanish. Every time my daddy reads to him the Bible you can tell he is listening. Somehow it seems just after he has heard the Bible read for a little while he gets a miraculous moment of strength. He gets out of bed to eat with us and can actually feed himself.

Some days I wish I had an internal camera for the days I am without a camera right at hand -- it is so easy to miss "the moment" that you wish could stay etched into your mind for ever and never fade.

Yesterday I watched him carefully, each and every move . . . hoping to never forget these moments spent with him. I watched as he ate his soup then he smiled as he ate a french fry someone had given him. Unfortunately, these little moments of strength only last a little while . . . then he's tired and has to lay down again.

Right now I wish I had known how to speak Spanish as I was growing up. I have always known Tata loves me, but I wish I was actually able to have at least one conversation with him. I've always loved to get a smile from him because that's how I know -- he loves me.

Now when I go to hug him he doesn't hug back . . . he is too weak. But last night -- a moment I want to hold onto forever -- when I bent over him to give him a hug, he gently kissed me on the cheek.

I look forward to those moments of strength, and will cherish them forever.

No comments:

Post a Comment