All my life I have been insecure in who I am. In my mind I was never good enough for anything. I didn't think I deserved to have friends or to be loved by anyone.
As a teenager, I wanted to feel accepted. I couldn't accept myself, so I wanted to find acceptance from someone else . . . then maybe I'd be alright and could finally be happy with who I am. I didn't have many friends as I was growing up, which made me feel even less of a decent person.
As I transitioned from girl to woman, I soon discovered that my thought process was all wrong. I didn't need to be accepted. I needed to trust in God. I needed to realize that God makes no mistakes . . . not even when He made me. When I wouldn't accept who I was, I was not accepting the amazing love and power of God.
Someone once asked me if when I see a tree or a flower do I think it's perfect. I answered with an enthusiastic “yes!”. He then asked me why. I thought for a moment and answered “because God made it . . . and he made them so beautifully”. He looked at me with a smile on his face. At that moment I realized that God makes all things beautiful.
I still struggled often.
I have been getting convicted a lot lately. I have been reading in my Bible about how that we are supposed to give God all the glory in everything. When I felt like I wasn't good enough . . . the truth is . . . I wasn't good enough. If I had been prideful and thought I was great, I could easily try to take in all the glory, when it truly belongs to God. We are never good enough on our own. I needed to humble myself before God, and trust what he is doing in my life.
God has blessed me so much throughout my life. From the very beginning when He brought me into a wonderful, loving, caring family . . . who has loved and accepted me from the very first day. I never could see all the many blessings God has given me . . . or maybe I just took them for granted.
Now I am learning to completely lean on God . . . keeping in mind that I am nothing without Him. He has made me who I am, and He has saved my soul and made me complete.
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