Remembering 2013

As the year 2013 comes to a close, I find myself thinking back about everything that the year held for me and my family.

So much has changed in such a little time . . .

This year, my little sister got married and, in turn, I gained another brother. It took some getting used to the thought of my baby sister getting married . . . I struggled with the idea a bit. After all, she was my baby sister . . . no one was good enough for her. This event took place late September. But you know, this whole thing has grown on me. I feel blessed to now have a brother-in-law . . . one who I know will take care of my little sister. He has shown that of himself already. And I can clearly see he loves her, which is what I have always hoped for my sister and friend.

The week after the wedding, my family made a move that I had dreaded for so long. We had to leave the home where I grew up. We had lived there for a little over 17 years. But you know, it really is true when they say "home is where the heart is". It doesn't matter where we reside. All that matters is who we are with . . . and in my case . . . I'm with my close, loving family. Thats all I care about now.

Our newest change, is the birth of my first niece. Born to my eldest brother and his wife on December 22. She is a little bundle of joy. Our little miracle. And she's perfect, might I add! She just made it home  to be with us yesterday morning. 

As I look back on this whole year, I have only one regret. One thing that I wish I could go back and change. I wasted too much of this year being angry and bitter and extremely depressed. I was realizing this fact earlier this morning. 

Closer towards the end of 2012, I experienced something that really took a lot out of me. Something that tore my heart into a BILLION pieces, and instead of turning to God for comfort and strength, I became angry and bitter at HIM. I was so angry that He allowed this to happen to me. I was shattered, and I turned away from the only one who could make me whole again. I just didn't understand why things had to happen the way they did. Why I had to suffer so much pain and emptiness. But the truth of it all is, I am the one who let this situation effect me in the way it did. And I regret that I did not place my trust in God, knowing that HE has my best in mind . . . but instead was angry with Him for not doing what I thought was best. (What do I know, I'm not God!) And I know that when I try to take things in my own hands . . . I mess things up bad!

I'm ready to put this all behind me. I'm ready to make things right with my Saviour and put my trust back in Him. I'm ready to move forward, taking this coming year and making it worthwhile. Something that can honor our Lord. My main goal this coming year is to show others Christ's love in ALL that I do.

Dreams of Grandeur

For as long as I can remember I have had dreams of grandeur . . . dreams that seem nearly impossible to achieve.

When I was a young teenager, I wanted to be a great musician. I play the clarinet and sing. Some tell me I have the voice of an angel and that I play so beautifully. I have never seen this of myself, but that didn't stop me from loving music more than almost anything. I wanted to be a world-renowned musician!

Then in my later teens, I still loved music, but I also loved writing. I loved to write poetry and write short stories. I wanted to one day be a published writer . . . one that others would see and admire.

But then in my early twenties, I wanted to be a famous professional photographer. I love taking pictures of nature! It is one of the many ways I have to express myself and show others what I see.

Not too long after that, I wanted to be a graphic and web-designer. I have so much fun creating things, and it gives me great joy to see others enjoy my work for themselves. I currently design church bulletins and other things for the ministry, such as certificates and whatever else may come up.

Now . . . well, now is just a mess of dreams. I want all these things! Maybe not to the far extremes of fame and popularity, but nevertheless, I love music, writing, photography, and designing . . . I want to be somewhat good at all these things. Not to mention other small dreams that have come my way. Things like having some sort of gluten-free bakery, or having a cleaning service. I am so overwhelmed by wanting to do all the things that I enjoy that I don't even know where to start, nor do I know which is the one God meant for me to pursue as a career.

One desire I have had, which can involve several of these dreams in one career, would be working for a place like Hallmark, creating cards. But that is not an option for me. It usually requires having some sort of degree in the field, which is not possible for me because I can't afford to go to a college that offers what I need.

I'm almost sure that I am meant to pursue photography. But sometimes it just seems impossible. Pursuing photography would pretty much mean having my own business. There aren't really any local photography studios for me to work with.

I just don't know what to do!!

Who We Think We Are Not

Some days it seems as though I allow "who I think I'm not" to affect every aspect of my life.

I say . . .

In photography -- "I am not" a good photographer . . .

In writing poetry or other such things -- "I am not" a good writer . . .

In playing my clarinet or singing -- "I am not" a good musician . . .

In just about anything -- "I am not".

Why must I have this kind of outlook on my life? Yes, I will always have room to grow and improve. Yes, there will always be someone who is "better" than me. But why should I let any of that hold me back?

The truth -- I SHOULDN'T ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN!

"It's not who we are that holds us back. It's who we think we're not." ~ Michael Nolan